knee-deep

Last winter, I started noticing pain in my left knee when I walked down stairs. Then in the spring, my left knee started bothering me when I drove stick-shift and had to use my left leg on the clutch. During the summer, I began having to pop my left knee constantly, and it bothered me even while I was sitting still or laying still in bed. This fall, I was completely unable to do squats due to the amount of pain my left knee produced while I was in that position, and walking downstairs had become completely unbearable. 

In August I visited with an orthopedic surgeon who determined that I would need to have surgery to correct the problem. He was a good doctor who came highly recommended. He comes to Salmon every two weeks from Montana, and I saw him at the local clinic. So I scheduled surgery...3 different times because the hospital kept changing the date on me. The final date was set for Friday, November 16. It turned out to be good timing, because it was the week before Thanksgiving, and I only had to take two days off of work because of the short work week. 

I was super nervous leading up to it, and I felt like it was going to be the death of me. I kept having dreams of such ideas, too. When the doctor talked to me about the arthroscopic surgery that I would have, he told me things that I may never be able to do again: jump, dance, run without a limp, etc. I was so afraid of the unknown, but I knew that I had to do something to correct my knee problem--it had just gotten worse and worse and was bothering me constantly and the pain had become practically non-stop. So I knew that surgery was inevitable. Still...just the thought of needles and blood and pain was unsettling. I don't do well with anesthesia, and I was nervous for everything that I had to endure at the hospital. I kept thinking of being unable to walk and get around, and the thought of not being able to take care of my family or my own needs while I was recovering from surgery gave me nervous anxiety. 

The night before my surgery, I had a "last supper" and "final act". I went to a relief society dinner, then went to a play, then went to another late dinner with Amanda and John, then went to the midnight show of Breaking Dawn. I was happy to have my mind off what would be happening early the next morning.  

 The surgery took place in the Salmon hospital. Josh took me there in the morning, and hung around as they poked me trying to get the IV needle in my arm. I'd had problems when I'd gotten lab work done a few days before that, too. The phlebotomist had to poke me twice just to draw a little blood. I hated it. My arms were still bruised from her attempts. The nurses tried 3 times that morning before successfully getting it right. I cried silent tears as they were doing it. I hate needles and blood!!! Seriously, I've passed out from just getting my finger pricked before. Then the nurse had to shave more around the knee than I'd anticipated, and he did so with an electric buzzer. I am extremely ticklish on my legs, and I laughed so hysterically loud, that the doctor and nurses kept poking their head in my room to make sure I was okay. It was so embarrassing. When the nurses were done with me, and the doctor and anesthesiologist had both talked to me, they wheeled me off to the O.R.

I've had 4 surgeries performed in a hospital before: 3 C-sections, and my wisdom teeth removal. I was coherent and awake with my C-sections, but I had been put completely under when I was 17 to get my wisdom teeth out. I remember right before that surgery that I had to count backwards from 10 after they gave me the sleepy juice, and I only got to number 7. My whole goal for this surgery was to make it to 5 in the backwards counting. I really wanted to count and stay alert until I said number 5. After I got in the O.R., and got switched to the surgical bed, the anesthesiologist put some stuff in my I.V. He told me it would just relax me. And that's the last thing I remember. I was SOOO angry when I came out of surgery, because I was never given the opportunity to count backwards!!! When I woke up, the nurse told me that it was over, and I yelled "What?!! But I never got to count!!!". They took me back to the original room I'd started off in that morning, and waited until I felt like I was ready to go home. The doctor visited me. The anesthesiologist visited me (and I complained to him that I never got to count, too. He told me that he had no intention of me falling asleep with just the relaxer, and that it wasn't his fault that I didn't get to count). After 2 hours of laying, and sitting, and waiting, I wanted to just be home in my own bed, even though I still felt so uncomfortable. They wheeled me out on a wheelchair, and I was gagging the whole time. I was so incredibly nauseous, and every movement agitated my stomach. Thankfully, I never threw up. The nurse had given me alcohol wipes that I kept smelling to prevent me from retching. Josh drove me home, put me in bed, and took care of me for 3 solid days. Josh and this ice pack were my life savers!

 I had found some crutches the week before at the local thrift store, and I used them to help me walk to the bathroom. For two days, I only ever got out of bed to go pee. My leg was wrapped, and I couldn't see how bad everything looked, which I was okay with--I didn't want to know, I was afraid to look.

 On the 3rd day after surgery, I was allowed to finally get the incision wet. I was looking forward to taking a shower and feeling clean again. Josh is a much braver soul than me regarding all things bloody, and so I had him take off the bandages for me. He really is a sweet man...

The damage wasn't too bad. There were 3 incisions where the lasers went in to scope out two tears that I had in my ligament. Actually, when I first looked at the surgical area, the purple markings seemed to draw more attention than the cuts in the skin did, so that was a good sign.

 The two incisions under my knee healed pretty quickly, but the cut above the knee gave me the most trouble. It was the largest cut, and the doctor had put stitches underneath the skin, so it puckered out. It was tight and bulky and was the most inflamed and itchy for weeks afterwards (the stitches and puckering just barely became undone at New Years). After one week post-surgery, I completely stopped taking pain meds, and after two weeks, I stopped using the ice machine. This is a photo one week post-op:

I had to go to 3 sessions of physical therapy, and I've seen the doctor twice since the surgery. I was nervous at first that nothing had changed because it still hurt to walk down stairs and my knee was still popping. But the healing was slower than I thought it would be, and it took me two months to finally admit that the $7500 procedure was worth it! I can walk downstairs with minimal pain, I can now squat with no pain, I can use the clutch in the car with no pain, and I can lay in bed without having to pop my knee. I am so grateful that I got the procedure done! 

I was so grateful for the people that were so kind to me during this ordeal. In addition to my sweet husband who took such great care of me and our boys and the house, I had several friends who came to my aid. My friend Hailey watched the younger boys while I was having surgery. My visiting teachers brought over a week's worth of meals, and a majority of them were frozen so we could use them whenever we needed them. That was so awesome. They came on Friday night, the day of my surgery, with warm chicken noodle soup. I ate that soup for days afterwards, and it was the only thing that I felt hungry for with my pain meds. I was so grateful for their intuitiveness! My friend Amanda brought over a meal (my FAVORITE meal of ham & potatoes au gratin), and played games one night, and it felt good to laugh and be treated like normal. My friend Gina brought some delicious cookies that my boys all ate ferociously! I was grateful for her visit and kindness. My friend Camille brought over a meal, including my favorite chips (Lays Original). My mother-in-law Kathy made lunch for the boys one day, and gave me some beautiful flowers on the day of my surgery. My mom and dad came one night, and brought a meal with them. I enjoyed their visit, and was so glad they came to see me. My friend Heather sent me the sweetest care package, and I appreciated her thoughtfulness so much. I felt so thankful to have such good people in my life.

Now that the procedure is done and I can move on (literally) more pain-free with life, I am looking forward to the day that the surgery bill is paid off!!! ;)