Seeing the contents of the box took me back nearly 7 years in time.
It was full of old medical supplies. It was like looking at proof that I'd had twins. It was proof that they were sick babies. Proof that they were born premature.
The twins were born 9 weeks premature. They came home from the hospital on their due date, two months later. Those 9 weeks in two hospitals, in two states, with lots of challenges in between, were not good ones for me.
When we finally brought the babies home, we also brought a giant medical supply with us. They were on several different medicines that had to be administered every 3 hours, they both were on breathing & heart monitors, and Jonah was still on oxygen. When they were newborns, I felt like their nurse rather than their mother.
Seeing this box made all those past feelings inside me of fear, sadness, and around-the-clock care, arise. I spent a considerable amount of time just staring at the medical paraphernalia that I'd unloaded from the box, surrounding me on the floor. I thought about all that I went through back in 2003. I thought about how far I'd come since then. I thought about how healthy my twins are now.
Then I decided that holding onto those past feelings of hurt would do me no good. So, I took this picture, and threw almost everything away.
2 comments:
Good for you, Kala. It's hard not to hold on to things like that; things that were such a big (and difficult) part of your life. Its hard to let go of things while still remembering what you learned from them.
Yeah for you!! I couldn't believe how hard it was to throw all of that stuff away, it was weird. I didn't understand what was tying me to those things. I had a whole box of those little bottles that you put your breastmilk in after you pump to take to the hospital. Weird! I just kept a couple things and pictures. :)
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