February 2012 on FB

Feb. 1: Hump day went surprising well today! I usually hate Wednesdays, but I had a great day today and I'm loving it--it's such a rarity!

Feb. 3: While teaching music to kindergarteners this week, we sang songs about numbers. In each of the songs, there were words that rhymed with each of the numbers. By the 2nd song, I had the kids guess what they thought would rhyme with each of the numbers in the song. When I got to number six, one of the girls in the class yelled out "Dix". And after that, we didn't have guessing time anymore.

Feb. 5: Ammon's team finally made it to a superbowl...only to lose it. Bummer for him. But since I don't like football, the best part about the superbowl for me is the food and the half-time show. Thank you Madonna for actually making the half-time show worth watching this year!

Feb. 7: Loved the "Spanish Lullabies" performed by Santana and Ricky Martin on Glee! oo-la-la those teeth of his!

Feb. 8: I went on a building tour of Salmon's Middle School today. It is so old and yucky and falling apart...I wish the community could understand just how badly we need a new school! Even on the tour, there were seniors who argued with the tour guide about their reasons why we don't need a new school...I was so disturbed by their bad attitudes.

Feb. 9: I taught a lesson in Sunday School class on Sunday about success. One of my class members Jamie Wilcox found this quote about success that I just love: "Success is to laugh often and much; to win respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded!!"

Feb. 10: Today my youngest son Kanyon turned 5! As a family, we did 5 things he wanted to do on his special day: ice skating, swimming, shopping, eating, and sleeping at a hotel.

Feb. 12: Grammy's tonight! I had my 5th grade students fill out a Grammy's ballot with 22 categories of nominees and they are competing against the H.S. show choir students in an "Are you smarter than a 5th grader: Grammy edition" contest! I can't wait to see the results after the awards show!

Feb. 13: My 5th grade students' "Rockin to the Oldies" concerts began today. Two performances down, four to go! The students today totally rocked it today and I am so proud of them!

Feb. 16: let the 4-day weekend begin!!!

Feb. 17: Lost a dear friend last night. I have happy memories of spending his last two birthdays with him! He was a great man, and fought for his life with dignity. RIP Kevin Wright Dec. 20, 1979 - Feb. 16, 2012.

Feb. 18: Saw "To Kill a Mockingbird" at the Midvale Main St. Theater with Josh. It was fabulous!!! My friend Eve Speer directed it and another friend Marc Reading performed in it, and I got to catch up with them afterwards! I just loved tonight!

Feb. 19: Went to Park City today for the first time in my life! And for the first time this new year, I woke up to see snow!!!

Feb. 21: I've had a lump of sadness in my throat all day.

Feb. 22: Goodbye for now, Kevin. It was such an honor to be a part of your funeral. The services today were a lovely tribute to the amazing and inspiring life that you lived. You will never be forgotten, and are sorely missed.

Feb. 23: I am grateful that the 3-day school week is over. I don't know why they are always so difficult!

Feb. 25: I've been hoping for snow all winter....and NOW we finally get some. Instead of enjoying it, I gotta go into work and create backdrops for the "Annie" and "Music Man" plays that are next week!

Feb. 25: I have a goal this year of making one new recipe each month. Last month I made hamburger, lentil, and vegetable soup. I loved it--nobody else did. Today, I made Ham Hocks and Pinto Beans. I loved it--everybody else tolerated it. Are my taste buds so much different than my hubby & sons because I'm a girl or because I just have better taste?!!

Feb. 26: It's the Oscars tonight!!! This weekend I've made 5 of 6 sets for my 4th grade students' plays this week. My goal is to get that last set done before the Academy Awards begin, so that I can enjoy it stress-free! P.S. I love Meryl Streep!

Feb. 27: Family Home Evening with my boys gives me a headache. Every. Time! (We read two stories that they choose out of the Friend Magazine, play two games that they pick, and eat dessert! They're just crazy kids!)

Feb. 28: had my first guitar lesson tonight!

Feb. 29: One of my 4th grade classes performed "The Music Man Jr." today and they did a fantastic job! I was so proud of them! I wasn't sure they were gonna pull it off after our dress rehearsal, but they came through with flying colors! I'm so proud of all my student actors & actresses!

red couch

I fell in love with you at first sight at IKEA in 2010.

Then I revisited you in the spring of 2011 and I remembered the love that I previously felt so strongly for you. And seeing my husband sit on you just made the occasion all the better.

So for Christmas of 2011, I decided it was time. Red couch, it was time to bring you home. To my home.

It was quite the haul, and after we picked you up from the store, you had to endure a layover and wait out in the cold for a few days until a delivery man (my friend but a stranger to you) finally brought you to us; to our home. We took off that plastic wrap that suffocated you but kept you safe from exposure, and introduced you to your new room: the Family Room. 

I made some RED words for the wall next to you so that you'd feel like you belonged in the space.

I bought some RED picture frames, and put some red, black, and white castle prints in them to adorn the wall across from where you sit so that you'd feel grander than the presence of being in the kids' play room in which we placed you.

Ahhh, red couch. How I love thee. The two-year wait to bring you home just made your being here all the sweeter. Our home feels complete with you in it.

2 months later...

...and I finally uploaded Christmas photos to my blog! They are on the "12th Day of Christmas" post, so scroll down to see them. I'm hoping to get back into the spirit of blogging again! I am 2 months behind on my posts, but I've really missed writing and looking at my photos. A few weeks ago, I ordered my first blog book that included all my blog posts from the year 2008, which was the year I began this blog. When the book came in the mail last week, all my boys loved looking through it. It gave me great pleasure to see them enjoy our family photos and my journaling, and I don't want to give up on my blogging just because I'm depressed. Seeing my boys carry that book around for days and hearing them talk about all that was in it gave me the determination I need to continue blogging!

I don't know why

When I went to college at SUU, my psychology professor asked our class this question every single day for the entire semester: "Why do we do the things we do". Then he would write it on the board, and we would spend a fair amount of time discussing it. It got annoying after the first week, and he was a terrible teacher, but I do still find myself using that question to figure out why I do the things I do.

I've been asking myself that questions for months now, and I haven't been able to come up with a definitive answer. I'm in a rut right now. I believe I get this way every January and February. I am depressed, unmotivated, and my mind feels troubled. I haven't really blogged since Christmas. I haven't been social since New Year's. I haven't uploaded or edited or posted photos from December or January, and now we're into February. I feel behind, and I don't even have the desire to get caught up. I just keep doing the things that I know I have to do, and nothing else. I wake up (because I have to), I get out of bed (for the same reason), I go to work, I bring the kids home from school, I make a/o eat dinner with my family, I help the kids with their homework, I go to their activities, and when I'm not doing any of those things, I just sit and think. But I feel like an uncaring robot during my entire daily routine. I look forward to the weekends because that means I get to sleep in, but I also feel more depressed on the weekends because I don't HAVE to go to work, so I just sit around and think since I'm too unmotivated to do anything else.

I had a minor meltdown on the last day of school before Christmas Break in December, and I haven't fully recovered since. I had a major fight with my two best friends at the beginning of January, and I can't move on from what I said and did that was clearly so wrong. My mind is so crazy and screwed up at times, and I hate when I feel out of control. And in both situations, I clearly felt out of control and reacted badly to the circumstances surrounding me. I don't know how to make me better, and I don't know what to do in order to feel normal again. I feel numb and unattached and out-of-focus. I hate feeling this way. I haven't cried since the big fight, I hardly laugh anymore, and I feel so distant from everyone, including myself. I have such self-destructive behavior. I miss my friends and I miss feeling emotions.

Fortunately for me, I have a special drug that keeps me from completely falling apart. It's my husband. I love that man so much. Even though I am not emotionally or mentally stable, he is. And he keeps me going. He gets me out of bed in the morning, he talks to me during the day, he hugs me when I get home from school, he makes dinner when I can't, he listens to me in the evening, and he rubs my back when I go to bed. I feel better whenever I'm in his presence, and I feel terribly alone whenever he is gone.

I'm writing this post because talking usually helps me feel better. I'm writing this because it's important for me to record not just activities and events, but also my feelings. I'm writing this because someday in the future, when I feel despair, I want to be able to look back and feel like I can relate to myself and my history, so I can grow from my experiences.