(this picture was taken with my cell phone, and really doesn't do the rainbow justice)
Josh was my 'first kiss' but he wasn't my 'first love'. He was close--he just missed being so by 2 years!I was 15 years old when I found my first true love. We were in the high school musical "Fiddler on the Roof" together. We both had background roles (aka "chorus"), so during the scenes when the main characters were rehearsing on stage, the rest of us waited on the sidelines for the scenes in which we would appear. It was during those times that I had the opportunity to get to know him better. He was two years my senior, and he was a senior. He had the cutest smile and adorable dimples. He had a fun sense of humor, and was so charismatic. His eyes were mesmerizing and his voice was music to my ears.
I had a crush on him before he ever paid attention to me. My interaction with him began with a frequent smile and short flirtatious conversations. But one day, my twitterpation for him became something of real substance. We were in the large costume closet, looking for costumes (or at least I think so). It was just the two of us, and after a few minutes of chatting, he shut the door behind me and we were alone. We spent over an hour in there, just talking. He was the first man I've ever talked to about real-life things. We talked about school, about family, about friends, about our goals and dreams and futures, we talked about our strengths and our weaknesses, and about our inner selves. We made a connection that day, a real, true, heart-to-heart one. I walked out of that closet a different person than when I walked into it over an hour earlier--and all that had transpired in between was talking!
Because I was just 15, I had to wait to go on a date with him. And since my 16th birthday was in August (3 months after he graduated), I felt hopeless that I would EVER date him!!! We remained friends throughout the remainder of his senior year: I often sat by him at lunch, occasionally I called him on the phone, and frequently I would visit with him at school functions. My first date, shortly after my 16th birthday, was a double date. I went with an acquaintance and the couple we doubled with was him (my first love) and the sister of my date (does that make sense?). After graduation from high school, he went to college for a year before leaving for his L.D.S. mission. I only ever dated him twice: once before his mission, and once after. Both dates are interesting stories, but neither are pertinent to the reason why I'm telling you all this.
I never could have married my first love. In the beginning I thought so (and I hoped and wished for it, too), but after a few years of getting to know him, I knew it would never work between us for whatever reason. But knowing so didn't mean I loved him any less. I often thought about him after I got married, I wondered where he was and how he was, and occasionally I would hear from others what was going on in his life. I genuinely cared about him, and I truly wanted him to find happiness in his life.
On August 30, 2001, I saw him for the first time since I was married. It was the strangest meeting. We were living in Salmon, it was a Friday night, and I had just gotten off work. On my way home, I decided (very randomly, I might add) to stop at a gas station to put a few gallons in my car's tank. I went inside to pay for it, and the lady at the desk was preoccupied. I had to wait several minutes to be helped. Finally, I walked back out to see a truck pulling a trailer stopping at the gas tank right next to mine. A man got out of the truck, and I stopped and stared, unbelieving that it was him. Only once in the 9 years that I've lived in Salmon have I spotted someone from Tremonton that wasn't related or living here--and it was him. He was on his honeymoon and stopped to gas up one last time before reaching his final destination! I yelled his name and ran and gave him a hug! He told me where he was going and why, and I met his new wife. I told him where I was living and what I was doing, and then we said goodbye.
I remember that date so well because of something else that happened on that same day, something that changed my life forever, something that became one of the hardest trials of my life thus far. The details of that life-altering situation are of no importance now, but at the time, I didn't know where my life was headed or if I was going to survive. Several times during that time period, I thought back to how I'd seen him on that very day, just hours before. It helped me to feel so not alone. I think of it now as a gift from God during a dark time in my life.
In 2007, I became in contact with him through the internet. Our lives had both dramatically changed since we'd spoken to each other last, and it was great to catch up online. We became quick friends once again. For several months, we'd sporadically talk and I enjoyed my renewed friendship with him. But, then things changed (as life always does) and we haven't spoken for almost two years now. Once in a great while, I think about him and I wonder how he's doing, and, almost always, I'm just glad that he's found happiness in his life.
Even though I knew I would never marry him, my love for him ended up blessing my life 3 times through periods of hardship. I honestly think that Heavenly Father was mindful of me when He blessed me with the acquaintace of my first love. He knew what was ahead of me, and He knew that I would need someone on earth to bring me hope during those times of trials.
And in thinking about that, it occurred to me that Heavenly Father has blessed my life so many times through the help of many friends and family. I can look back and see where a specific person was placed in a particular time of my life to help me through certain obstacles that I had to overcome.
The majesty of the rainbow, the memories of my first love, the existence of my friends and family in my life are all evidence of God's infinite love for me. And I am truly blessed to have that knowledge!
3 comments:
so, I can't remember who he was...fb me and let me know...
and ditto...
you tell us this whole damn story and then dont say who he is?!? wth?!
hmm, so you're going to make me dig out my yearbook and guess? :) And, finally, someone who knows the sunshine lollipop song! There's a doc at work that has a secretary/nurse named Sunshine (it's her real legit name) and I always think that song when I see her, but NOBODY else knows the song! Blah!
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