Making Room for Change...in my heart, head, & house

For months, I've pondered writing this blog post. I just didn't know where to begin...because sometimes the beginning of life-changing events are difficult to process and harder to put into words (especially when they involve other people's actions). And sometimes, it's hard to know the exact moment that a "beginning" of a chain of events happens. So, since I don't know exactly where to start, and since I can't determine the exact starting point of this chain of life-changing events, this story has several different beginnings, and the end is still to be determined!

This is the beginning of where it all began...

In January of 2011, after 10 months of trying to find a new job (I'd been cleaning the credit union for years after I quit working there as a full-time teller to stay home with my boys and I wanted something more fulfilling), I was hired by the Salmon City Golf Association to be their bookkeeper. The monthly income was about the same as my cleaning job, but I'd be able to do to the work out of my house, and the job duties were more mind-challenging than vacuuming, mopping, and dusting! I was grateful for the opportunity, and was familiar with members of the SCGA board and how the association works because I'd been their minute meeting note-taker years before. I've had bookkeeper jobs before, and I like balancing numbers, so I thought this job would be a good fit for me.

Just three weeks after getting that job, I was hired to be the music teacher at the elementary school. I had interviewed for the job the previous May, but the school hired a different person. She ended up not liking the job, and unexpectedly quit mid-year. I was elated to have the chance to have my dream job! So of course I accepted the position! I was nervous about going from one previous part-time job to now a new part-time job PLUS a full-time job! In addition, my youngest son was still a toddler, which meant that I would have to put him in daycare. It worked out that basically my part-time job paid for the daycare costs of him while I worked at my full-time job.

That was the beginning of both jobs. For the past 3 years, I've been employed with both, and I've been doing pretty good at both, too. But then things changed.

This is the beginning of the life-changing events...

In fall of 2012, some new board members got voted onto the Golf Board. And these board members didn't have a lot of positive things to say. By spring of 2013, I was experiencing anxiety every time I went to one of their monthly board meetings. I hated sitting through hours of arguments and judgmental comments. I even had an anxiety attack at the meeting in May, which I blogged about and mentioned HERE. I knew that things would have to change, or I'd have to quit this job because I couldn't continue to work under these conditions. Then the conditions got worse. I wasn't able to attend the July and August meetings due to having surgeries a/o being hospitalized on those days. They had a voice recorder at the meeting, and later I transcribed those minutes. As I listened to the recordings to type what was said during those meetings, I was shocked to hear several falsifying and hurtful statements about me. In October of 2013, a new president was named to run the association. He was one of the new members that joined the board in the fall of 2012. As soon as he was voted in as president, I officially declared in my heart that I was done with this job. It wasn't worth it anymore to me to work in the stressful and condescending environment that they'd created. At the November golf meeting, I informed the board that after December, I would no longer work for them.

And then, this past fall, amidst all my difficulties with my part-time job, my full-time job of teaching elementary music also experienced severe controversy. This is a little background to the events that happened this fall. Last spring, my school principal informed me that our school would be adding the "Leader in Me" program to our school this upcoming year. He asked me if I could create a song or several songs about the 7 Highly Effective Habits. I thought about it all summer, and looked forward to writing songs and teaching them to the children to help reinforce the habits that would be added to their curriculum. I decided that I would teach the children one song to go with each habit, and I would use cartoon theme songs as the tunes and change the words. Then I could show the kids each a lesson that a particular cartoon has to go along with the habit. The first habit is "Be Proactive". I decided to debut the first song with the "SpongeBob SquarePants" theme song. It fit perfectly: Be Proactive has 4 syllables just as Sponge Bob Square Pants does! The song I created goes like this:

"When you have a choice between right or wrong, BE PROACTIVE!
If you can't decide, just think of this song: BE PROACTIVE!
You are responsible for actions you choose. BE PROACTIVE!

So think win-win, and no one will lose! BE PROACTIVE!

Be Proactive, Be Proactive, Be Proactive, You're in charge...of YOU!"

To teach the lesson, I talk to the kids about what the specific habit means (in this case, what "Being Proactive" is). Then I show them part of a cartoon episode that reinforces the lesson. Then we discuss how the characters represent that habit. Then I teach them the new song about that habit based on that cartoon's song. It's the same lesson plan each time, but using a new habit, a new cartoon, and a new song. I spend a lot of {unpaid} time working on these lessons and writing these songs. I've felt very good about the work I've done, and each month, we present these songs at the school's assemblies.

So, 3 weeks after school started, in the middle of September, I started teaching all the students K-4 this Proactive lesson. I picked a SpongeBob episode that went perfectly with this lesson: where Patrick feels like a loser because he doesn't get trophies like SpongeBob does. Then SpongeBob helps him to get a trophy, and in the end, they both are happy because Patrick gets a trophy for being himself, and SpongeBob was happy to help his friend. When I taught this lesson to a 4th grade class, and went to show this episode, one of the grade students showed extreme distaste to watching SpongeBob. He said "My mom says I'm not allowed to watch this show". Then I told him that this particular episode is rated G, and is a direct correlation to the song that I was asked to teach the children, and that I'd approved it through the principal, and that since it was for a school-wide lesson, it would be okay. Then when I turned on the movie, he plugged his ears, started rocking in his chair, and making loud yelping sounds. Then several other kids in the class thought it was funny and started following him, and nobody could hear a thing except the loud yelps. So I paused the movie, and told the kids that I wasn't going to force them to watch anything they didn't want to see. And that if they were going to ruin the lesson for everyone else, they could leave the classroom and go to the quiet room in the principal's office. The one boy stood up and walked out of my classroom. Then we finished the lesson nicely, and everyone else in the class was receptive to the lesson and the song. As soon as class was over, I went to talk to this boy, and I told him that the choices he made were not proactive, and that he's a natural leader, and everyone wants to follow him. I told him that I was proud of him for standing up for himself in class, but that he could've responded differently to what happened. He could've asked to leave the room, or he could've done a different activity, but disrupting the class was hurtful for everyone. Then I excused him and I explained to the principal exactly what took place in the classroom.

A week later, this boy's mother cornered me outside at school and verbally attacked me. She said that what I did was wrong by showing a part of a SpongeBob episode. She said that it's a stupid show that teaches stupidity, and that anyone who "knows anything knows that". I explained to her that I didn't show it for the fun of it, that I showed it to teach a lesson that all the studentbody are learning about being proactive, and that her son was a disruption for the entire class. Then she went on a yelling tirade. She told me that I'm a terrible teacher, and that I'm a bad mother, and that because I let my own sons watch that TV show at home, they use foul language at school. (um....what?!! please note that I know that bullies come up with lies to defend themselves, and this was one of several, and I didn't react to the crap she was saying, I chose to "be Proactive"!). She said she knows I swear at the kids and have thrown chairs at them, and that I shouldn't be allowed to be alone with them. Then she said that she was going to work to get me fired, and that she was going to have a petition with parents sign it agreeing to have me fired, and as she walked off she yelled "YOU NEED HELP!" I was completely taken back by the confrontation. I was shocked at her outrage and her accusations. The principal interviewed each child in their class one at a time to see if I had 1. swore, 2. thrown chairs at them, and he asked them if they liked music. The only child to respond that I had sworn and thrown a chair was the boy who volunteered to go to the principal's office that one day--her own son.

The woman talked to the principal, who said I did nothing wrong. This just infuriated her more. He offered to have her son removed from my music class and do something else during that period--since she obviously didn't trust me, and her son didn't like music. But of course she denied that option; she wanted him to keep coming to my music class. I was not about to have him report more and more lies to her each day and have her anger fueled, so for 3 weeks, I got a substitute teacher to teach that class period. Of course, the class was horrible, and I went through several substitutes--because even though they were paid for a half day to just teach one class, they didn't want to have to deal with problems erupting in the class. But the problem didn't go away. This women went to the school board and complained about me. Then she called the state department of education, and finally she felt validated--she had found a way to have me removed. I am a para teaching in a teacher's position. I have a supervisor: the high school music teacher, but he's not with me all day--only one hour in the morning. The state law says that a supervisor has to be in the same room with a para. With budget cuts the last few years, our school has had to cut back positions, but they still wanted to maintain the quality of education for the kids. So, in 2011, when the previous music teacher retired, the principals had an idea that they'd heard of happening in other rural school districts: hire a para to do a teacher's job in a non-core subject. That's how I was able to be hired even though I didn't finish my teaching degree, and I work at minimum wage to do a teacher's job. I've never complained about the pay, because I knew what I'd get when I accepted the job. I've worked lots of extra hours with no pay, because I wanted the music education and student performances to be good. I've taken on lots of extra assignments without any pay because I knew that it would benefit the kids. That was the case with this whole 7 Habits songs: I was trying to implement something positive in the school. I had been asked to help form this new curriculum in our district. I worked a lot of extra hours on my concept and I felt good about it. And to have so much negativity come out of it was demoralizing for me.

But after being reported to the state, they informed us that we were in violation of the state code and we needed to fix it. Our staff had so many meetings (extra unpaid time for me!) to come up with solutions to mend this problem. So many ideas were created, so many voices spoke out, so many concerns were heard. There wasn't any funds to hire a certified teacher. The video camera installment in my room and a monitor in my supervisor's room wasn't good enough. The scheduling to have a supervisor in my room wasn't feasible. There were so many other plans, but all of them wouldn't work for one reason or another. There was so much discord among the staff, and I felt hurt and betrayed by many of the comments that I had to endure in those meetings. I wasn't sure if I would even have a job past December. It was a very emotionally trying time for me.

Finally, at the end of November, the state agreed to have me and the P.E. teacher (who the past two years has also been a para doing a teacher's job) sign emergency waivers to have us teach until the end of this year under a provisional authorization. So at least I know that I will be able to teach until the end of this school year now, and I don't have to worry week-to-week anymore if I have a job or not.

This is the beginning of implementing my own change...

I always told myself that when my youngest was in school all day, that I would go back to school and complete my degree. I knew that I'd have more time to devote, and I wouldn't have to pay for daycare anymore so I'd have more money, too, so it always seemed in my mind to be the right time. With the uncertainty of my job, I thought it was reinforcing my original idea that this was the time to go back to school. I spent a great deal of time in October contemplating if I wanted to go back to college to get a teacher's degree for sure. I wondered and questioned if it was even the right job for me anymore. I spent a lot of time thinking, and praying. and reading my Patriarchal Blessing, and asking these questions in the temple. I finally came to the conclusion that YES, I wanted to become a certified teacher. I'm good at it, I love it, and it's what I've always aspired to be. In October I spoke with a local that works at helping community members seek higher education opportunities, and in November I applied at WGU (Western Governor's University). I contacted my old college SUU, and had them send my transcripts to WGU. I completed a college assessment test over Thanksgiving Break. I began speaking weekly with an enrollment counselor. I had my AP test scores transferred. I applied for Financial Aid. I thought I had all my ducks in a row to start school the first of January, but the AP test scores took forever to get there, so my enrollment date changed to February 1st instead.

A lot of cleansing things happened over the 3-week Christmas Break:

I completed all the year-end responsibilities for the Golf Course. I trained their new employee. I emptied the desk in my bedroom of all the golf course paperwork I had, and boxed it all up and gave it to her. My heart and head felt like a heavy weight had lifted, and something that had given me anxiety for months was no longer in my life. It felt good. My desk was also clean for the first time in three years, which prompted a feeling to deep-clean my house.

I spent days cleaning things that had been pushed to the side for a long time. Kanyon helped me clean out his room & closet--we took bags of clothes to the local secondhand store, and sold several toys. Jonah & Micah helped me clean out their room & closet--we sold games & decorations. I rearranged the family room, and threw away a box of unused stuff. I cleaned out the gift-wrapping supplies, the utensils drawer, the medicine cabinet, the baggie & cloths cupboard, the Tupperware shelf, the mugs/jars cupboard, the Family Home Evening supplies, my closet, the toolbox, the winter gloves box, and the magazine shelf. The garbage can was overflowing for two weeks. Multiple trips were made to Rags & Wags (the secondhand store). I felt like I was making room for bigger and better things. Donations were made to several local organizations.

The day after Christmas, I received word that WGU had finally received my AP test scores. They had looked over the scores, as well as my SUU transcript, and had accepted 22 of my previous credits! I was elated!!! I had about 60 credits completed when I attended college the first time 16 years ago, but WGU was only going to accept the ones that applied to the degree classes I had to take. I was hoping they'd take at least 15, and was worried they might not accept any because they were taken so many years ago, but when I found out they accepted 22, I was truly overjoyed! That's a year's worth of classes! It helped me realize that I was doing the right thing at the right time for the right reasons.

That was the beginning for the "out with the old, and in with the new" motto.

Out with the 2nd part-time job. Out with the anxiety about not having a teaching job with a secure, financial future for me. Out with the undecisive, unsure, unstable feelings about myself. Out with the garbage that was filling our home.

In with more time to devote to my family. In with an enrollment in a university that fits my lifestyle. In with a desire to finish my degree. In with a cleaner home.

I was officially a student of WGU as of Feb. 1. I completed the orientation course at the end of January, I have been speaking with my mentor each week, and as of yesterday, I am officially enrolled in my first 4 classes! It feels good to take charge of my life, of my future, of my happiness! I am grateful that something positive has come out of so much negativity. I am trying to focus on the positive in this situation, and although I know it will be stressful to still work full-time and go to school full-time, I am determined to make it possible! And to be happy while doing so!

I got rid of so much negativity at the end of 2013--both emotionally and physically. And getting rid of the bad has opened up so much good in my heart and mind (and my home is cleaner too!). I know that 2014 has lots of positivity in store for me!