my thoughts on buses go round and round

Sometimes we see or hear something that sparks a memory from our past, and the memory flashes in our mind so unexpectedly.

Today, as I was driving to town, I passed a school bus, and a wave of thoughts rippled across my brain.

Growing up, my family always lived close to a school. Whenever our family moved, one of my parents' criteria for a place to live was that the home be near an elementary school. I went to 4 different elementary schools, and I walked to all of them. Unlike my own children now, I never in my life rode a school bus to school. My only school bus memories are of traveling on them for junior high and high school field trips when we lived in Tremonton.

I remember riding on the bus in 6th grade to Crystal Hot Springs, and feeling embarrassed that I hadn't shaved my legs like some of the other girls had.

I remember riding on the bus in 7th grade to Raging Waters in Salt Lake, and feeling so excited at the prospect of going to a big water park--my first time at one! I remember packing a cold lunch to take and feeling elated that we got to miss school the whole day!

I remember riding the bus to Lagoon in 8th grade, and making plans with friends for what rides we wanted to go on.

I remember riding the bus to go skiing in junior high at Beaver Mountain up Logan Canyon multiple times, and almost every single ride there were pukers in the back.

I remember riding the bus to Band Competition in Pocatello when I was a freshman, and flirting with some of the male members of the band. I wasn't a band member myself, but I helped the colorguard at a few competitions that year, and I thought that the band members were so fun to ride with!

I remember riding the bus to drama competitions in high school in Provo and Salt Lake, and messing around on the bus with my drama friends. We talked, laughed, ran lines, sang...the good ole days before electronics and ipods and cell phones.

My teenage son Ammon who's 13 rides the bus all the time now on special trips like the ones I remember from my junior high days. Except, since we live in isolated Salmon, every bus ride he goes on is several hours long to go to band competitions or track meets or basketball games. He takes his ipod, and cell phone, and the kids all play games on their electronic gear.

My, how times have changed.

My strongest bus ride memory of all, and the one that flashed through my mind today, was a ride I took my junior year of high school. The A Cappella choir was going to festival at Mountain Crest High School south of Logan, so the bus ride was about 45 minutes long. It was after school one day, and as we all piled on, a senior named Bryan said he wanted to sit next to me. Bryan and I had recently become good friends. He was in my Social Dance class, and we'd been partners several times. He was in a play with me that spring, too: "The Merry Wives of Windsor". The more time I spent with Bryan, and the more I'd gotten to know him, the more I liked him--as in really liked him.

We flirted the whole bus ride over. Then we sat together in the auditorium watching the other choirs compete. Then we sat together on the bus ride back to Tremonton that night. On the bus ride home, it was dark. And Bryan held my hand. It may not sound like a big deal, but it was the first time in my life I remember holding a boy's hand. Okay, I'd held other boys' hands before that--but only for a few seconds at a time (like the time Wade Walton asked me to dance at the junior high spring dance, and as a 7th grader, I was honored that an 8th grader held my hand as he walked me onto the dance floor). So this experience felt like a huge moment for me. He intertwined the fingers of his left hand with the fingers of my right hand. He had big hands, and long fingers, and I liked the way it felt to have my small hand in the care of his larger one. He traced my fingers with his other hand, and I felt so loved. Since it was dark, and nobody would see me, I decided to lay my head on his shoulder (I didn't want people to see me because I didn't want rumors spread that we were boyfriend/girlfriend since I was a "good" mormon girl who didn't date exclusively). It was a beautiful moment. I'd never had a boyfriend before, but right then I understood why girls liked them. I felt loved, safe, secure, comfortable.

After we arrived back home at our own high school in Tremonton, we let go of each other's hand, and picked up our stuff, got off the bus, and went our separate ways. The next few weeks had its ups and downs, and ultimately it wasn't a relationship that would work out.

I still consider Bryan my friend, and I'm grateful that we were able to share some good moments together. Like that brief time on the dark bus ride home from Choir Festival, because I was in a happy place then and the memory apparently still resides in my brain even now.

Tomorrow, Ammon is taking a bus ride to Band Festival. He will go down in the daylight, and come home in the dark.

Magical things can happen on dark bus rides...but I'm hoping they won't happen to Ammon for a few more years!