Friday, December 27, 2013

A Thanksgiving Void

We hosted Thanksgiving dinner for Josh's entire family this year. His parents asked us in October if we could have the dinner at our house, and we said that would be fine. In addition to Josh's parents, siblings & spouses & kids, we also had Josh's uncle & aunt & two kids & a grandchild, and another aunt come for dinner. All in all, there were 28 people coming! I had worked out the plan in my mind for where everyone would sit in the house, and what rooms we'd need to move furniture around to accommodate everyone, and what extra tables and chairs we would have to obtain.
 
The day before Thanksgiving, the boys helped Josh & I clean all the living spaces, the kitchen, and the bathrooms. They were good little helpers! Josh's sister Tiffany and her family of 10 arrived that afternoon, and the boys had fun playing with their cousins that evening. His brothers and their ladies came early as well.
 
I took photos of what Thanksgiving morning looked like at our house: watching the parade on TV, playing games with cousins, making pies and mashed potatoes, and moving furniture around to make room for more tables. But mysteriously, all the pictures I took that morning disappeared from my camera. I did not delete them, and I don't know how they were removed. There's 10 numbered photos missing on my camera's memory card, with the only one left from that morning being this one:
Out of all the photos I took that morning, this would've been the one that I actually would've deleted. It's strange to me that it's the only one left of all the happier ones taken that morning. This is the unfortunate story behind this picture...
 
With Josh's family, it is difficult to take a family photo. We are rarely all together at the same time and in the same location, and I felt like it was really important to take a picture of all of us together before the Thanksgiving meal began. I felt strongly about doing it before everyone sat down to eat, because then people would want to go do different things as soon as dinner was done. I didn't tell any of his family about the photo, though, because I didn't want them to worry about dressing up nice--I just wanted to take a picture of us exactly as we were. To prepare, I set the family room up for it: I moved furniture around, measured the space to accommodate 22 people, and envisioned ahead of time where I wanted everyone to stand/sit so that we wouldn't waste time figuring it out, I took pictures off the walls, scrubbed the walls, and figured out the lighting (which is why I took this photo to make sure the lighting worked). I asked his cousin's wife in advance to take the photo of us, and showed her where she needed to stand and how I wanted it done--also to save time. I felt like since we were asked to host, and since we'd spent two days of our school vacation cleaning and rearranging and cooking for Josh's family, that asking them to have a photo taken in return was not a huge favor. It should've only taken about 2 minutes to take the family photos, which I didn't think was a big deal. 
 
But then Josh's siblings and parents arrived late for dinner. The meal was supposed to start at 1:00, and Josh was stressing out that the food wouldn't be warm if we didn't start eating it right when everyone arrived. When everyone came up from his parent's house next door, I informed them of my photo plan. But his dad told me it wouldn't work because Tiffany and some of her kids hadn't come up yet. I said "that's okay, I will start having you stand/sit where the picture will be taken, then when they get here in a minute, we'll all be ready to go". But Edward said he didn't know when they'd arrive, and he didn't want to wait for them, and that he was ready to eat. Josh agreed with his dad; that we should eat and not take a photo. Then the family was all standing around waiting for a decision to be made. His dad said we could just take a photo after dinner, and I said "Fine. But nobody can leave this house until a photo has been taken". Apparently that sounded like a joke, so then his dad was saying that I should just take individual photos of everyone later, and just make a big collage for a family picture, and he was laughing about how ridiculous this situation was. That was very hurtful; he was making a joke of me and how much I valued having a family photo taken. He obviously doesn't understand how long the photo-editing process takes, and he didn't understand how much I'd invested in hosting Thanksgiving dinner for him. So we hurriedly moved the couch out of the way and moved the picnic table into that room. Then a prayer was said, and the kids and family members started eating. Josh was mad at me for even suggesting taking a photo of his family. I was upset that nobody understood how important it was--Tiffany's oldest child is going to college, and Malachi's girlfriend is going on a mission, and Josh's mom has been sick, and I felt like now was a good time for a family picture. I felt used--we were asked to host, we were expected to have a house ready, we were supposed to have food prepared--but having one picture taken in return was apparently too much to ask. 
 
I was not about to endure a meal with family members who make fun of me and are rude to me in my home after I'd worked so hard to have them here. So, I went to my room and laid on my bed and cried. For two hours. Until everyone left. This was the 3rd year in a row we've had Thanksgiving with Josh's family in Salmon...and I missed my family. I called my mom, and they were having a big fun get-together with my siblings. They were having a great time eating and playing games and building gingerbread houses. I felt so lonely.
 
Tiffany's family left shortly after dinner to go back to Pocatello because her son was sick with the flu. So there wasn't any other family get-together time the rest of the Thanksgiving break. And there were no family photos taken. The only picture I have of our Thanksgiving dinner now is an empty couch in an empty room--a photo which feels so void of love, which is how Thanksgiving felt to me this year: void of family togetherness & unity, void of family photos, and void of relaxation. I learned a hard lesson that day: no matter how important things are to you, nobody else cares how important you feel they are. I will never ask Josh's family to have a group photo taken of them again, because then I won't have to be upset that they don't value the pictures like I do. 
 
Life moves on, and I wasn't going to be depressed my entire Thanksgiving vacation. I'd already wasted two of its days doing things that I wouldn't have chosen to do with my time off from school. 
 
I had bought supplies and made cookies and frosting to create edible peanut butter & chocolate turkeys with the cousins, but after they left, we knew that wouldn't happen. So we invited Josh's brothers over that night to make some, as well as my friends Kerry and Kimi, and Kimi's boyfriend Preh.
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They were so easy and turned out cute! And I loved the flavor combination!

We played the game "Clue" several times that weekend, which was the funnest part for me! Playing with adults is so much more riveting and exciting than playing with kids!

The boys played at Grandma's house a lot. Kanyon especially like playing the game "Chicken Invaders" with Uncle Malachi. We also played a few board games with Josh's brothers and their ladies, too.

The day after Thanksgiving, the 3 older boys woke up early to go Black Friday shopping with Josh in Salmon. They'd never been before, and since Salmon is so small, nobody had to wait in line or be tackled over a toy like what happens in bigger cities. They'd been saving up for months to purchase deals that morning, and they all came home with what they wanted: Jonah and Micah both got iPods and Ammon got an X-Box and a game. They were all so happy!

That afternoon, Josh and the boys went to go pick out a Christmas tree for us from a nearby mountain. They went with their uncles and grandpa. I didn't go because I stayed home to take some college assessment tests, and I was grateful for the quiet chance to focus on the tests I'd been stressing about taking. They had a nice time hiking and searching for a tree. Ammon picked out the tree, and cut it down (which was a first). And even though Micah thought that tree was "crappy", it was so beautiful in our home!



And later that weekend, Josh cooked us our own turkey. Edward & Kathy had brought the turkey to Thanksgiving dinner, which meant that we didn't get to snack on leftovers for days afterwards. I was really craving some turkey to go with all our leftover mashed potatoes and delicious homemade turkey gravy that Josh had made--so he cooked us up a nice, juicy turkey and it was sooo good!

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