Nobody's answering their cell phones. I really need to talk. So, I'm venting via my blog. I never wanted to do this, but I'm truly desperate. I'm the kind of person that needs to talk about bad things that happen to me in order to feel better.
Two weeks ago, I found out I didn't get a job that I really wanted, that I really hoped for, that I really thought I'd get. I was devastated. Every morning for a week, after I first woke up, I remembered that I didn't get it. Every morning for a week, I cried, I didn't want to get out of bed, I told myself what a blow it was to my ego, what a loss it was to my spirit. It was very difficult, especially considering the circumstances surrounding it. I don't really want to talk about the even more unbearable details, so please don't ask. I still haven't recuperated from it, but at least I don't wallow in it every morning like I was.
Right after I found out I didn't get the job, I went to Utah to stay with my family for a few days. And right after I got back to Salmon, our new house was ready to move into. I've been moving ever since.
Every day, I drive the 50+ feet to my old trailer, pack up the truck or van, drive back to the new house, unload and sort through and clean and put away stuff, and repeat the process 3-6 times a day. And as of yet, officially only two rooms are cleaned out: the bathroom and the kitchen. All the big things are out, but all the little things are what's taking up all my time. It's wearing me out.
This morning when I got up, I especially felt overwhelmed with the task of moving. And then I discovered that the 'special wash' laundry I did last night, I didn't pay attention to some of the labels and I shrunk two of my dresses. And then I discovered a leak in the wall from the showerhead. Unfortunately, the wall that lines the shower is part of the closet in the master bedroom. We just finished clearing out the old closets and organizing the new closets yesterday. Josh screwed in multiple shelves and it took us several hours just to do that certain closet--the closet that is now ripped apart to fix the leak. And then I discovered that the rain that came down all day yesterday leaked through the roof in my old house right onto a pile of photos and photo albums. All of 2009's photos, and my wedding album, and our professional photos we had taken last fall were damaged.
I am beyond upset. I can't stop crying. I feel so alone. And I can't handle the overwhelming pain and I feel my depression sinking in. I hate this feeling.
And now that I've talked about it, I'm feeling slightly better.
10 comments:
You didn't call me!!!!! DUH! :)
I hate moving and settling into a new place. I find it to be so depressing and lonely. I'm so sorry I'm not closer so I can't help you and hang out with you...
I really want you to take a break and come and stay here for a few days. Really.
I adore you. You are fantastic no matter what anyone else or any other circumstances have made you feel. You are incredible and I love you SO MUCH! :)
Hang in there sis, you can do it.
I love you girl. Sometimes life just sucks! It's hard to be happy and pretend that everything is okay. I have learned that it is okay to cry and be pissed off and mad but don't stay that way to long. Lean on the Lord and turn to Him with your pain and sorrow. He's the only one that can truly take it away from you. Talk to Him and pour your heart out to Him! He will ALWAYS be there to listen, even when no one else is. I love you girl!
If you can make it to boise I'll arrange for you to have a free massage at our clinic! Hang in there, kala. I hate when I get down. I couldn't agree more with miss heather. You are FANTASTIC, and adorable. And you're very very loved by many.
I love you Kala! I always have and always will. You have a special talent for making people feel loved and now you just need some yourself. You have my phone # and my email address.
I am sorry you didn't get the job. I know how much it hurts when you don't get something that you knew you were the most qualified for. Hang in there.
Sister, I love you. I'll come up next week and help? What days are best?
Sorry about your photo's that would frustrate me to no end.
Try to stay positive and think of all that new SPACE you have.
We love you. Be good to yourself. Not getting a job does not define you.
you didnt call me!! wtf?
i am sorry you are having a rough couple of days. just think how nice it will be when you finally get all settled in and can start enjoying your new home!
and you really can call, email or text me anytime. i would LOVE to listen to you talk 400 words a minute. it makes me smile!
When I worked at a company in UT I had applied for 5 different jobs just to get out of the warehouse...I was qualified for all of them and when I didn't get any of them I was devastated! A year later a new company came in and took our company over and changed a few things...they laid people off and ALL 5 JOBS I APPLIED FOR GOT LAID OFF!!! That right there told me that God knows what we need even if we don't at the time...He knew I would have been laid off and knew that I needed to support my family. When we moved to Boise I got involved in a company that has always moved me up within the company and it has really boosted my self esteem! It's the 1st company to do that for me ;o). I hope things look up for you & I almost cried when I read about your photos!! Is there any way someone can restore them? I hope this next week will be a sunny & happy one for ya!
I so sorry:(
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